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Pears Are Funny

梨 *ナシ -> nashi* is a great word. It means “pear”, and when spoken, can also mean “nothing”.

So, when a friend came by with a pear for me (meaning she’s Japanese…my ALT friends never bring me healthy snacks), and as we were sitting down eating it, I said in a moment of being dumb, “You give me なし!”.  Which sounded like a funny “You give me nothing (nashi*ng*)!”  Which meant, “You give me a pear!”  Which meant, “You give me nothing!”.

Ah, full circle.

Luckily we were all laughing, otherwise I would have just looked dumb, instead of dumb and funny.  Puns are a dangerous sort of humor.  If I use them too much, I’ll turn into an old man.

*note* old men frequently use puns to try to make people laugh (and perhaps to be…ahh…witty…) in Japan.  Here’s a poorly translated example that I may or may not have posted about before:

ね、ちゃんとお風呂（ふろ）に入（はい）りますか。　-> Hey, aren’t you gonna take a bath like you’re supposed to?

姉ちゃんとお風呂に入りますか。 -> Are you going to take a bath with your older sister?

A laugh a minute.  This is why I avoid drunk おやじ.

It Doesn’t Count When…

Well, I finished eating my tiny combini salad at work today and went to throw it away.  The teacher next to me, upon seeing that I had been eating a salad, said, “Are you on a diet??”.  I was all, “yeah…for a month…”.  She was all, “oh!  yeah, you look skinnier!! Don’t you think so?”, she said to the teacher next to her.  I gave her a look, and said, “It doesn’t really count when you say that now!”.  She laughed.

This goes well with what happened two days ago.

The same teacher had been chatting it up with her co-hort (teacher next to her desk) about dieting and…yeah, going on diets (that were, if I heard their Japanese correctly, physically impossible *three kilos in one week*).  About half an hour later, she offers me chocolate.  I gave her a suspicious look and said, “are you just trying to fatten me up so you look even skinnier?”.  She laughed out loud at this, then explained what I said to the other teachers at our desk group *did I mention she was an English teacher, and thusly I spoke in my native tongue?*.  They all laughed.  Sharing food is way more common here, so the whole suspicion of free food is far more diminished than I’m used to.  I ate the chocolate anyways.  Free food doesn’t include calories.

Speaking of free food, just got a lot of it!  First was omiyage, then another person just sharing his food with the group.  What an interesting dynamic.  I’ll have to try it some time.  Maybe I’ll pass along a communal burger.  Hah!  Laughed at that thought…one of the other teachers thought I was laughing at something she said.  Thank goodness for well-timed accidental laughter (this is the second time she’s thought I found her jokes funny when…well, I had no clue what she was saying).

Why, Chipotle, Now That I’ve Left You…

This kindof makes me really sad…

A free burrito if you show your student or faculty ID on Sunday at K-State this Sunday!

And I’m lying about being kindof sad. I’m bawling my freaking eyes out right now. I don’t want a free one pound burrito, i need it. I need it bad…

Damn you, Chipotle. Damn you!

Then again…

I found a site that calculates the nutritional value of my favorite type of Chipotle burrito, and here are the results:

Chipotle Nutrition Facts Serving Size: 1 Burrito Amount Per Serving Calories 1410 Calories from Fat 602 % DV* Total Fat 67g Saturated Fat 22.5g Cholesterol 144mg Sodium 3608mg Total Carbohydrate 134g Dietary Fiber 15.5g Sugars 7g Protein 68g Vitamin A 134% Vitamin C 54% Calcium 54% Iron 30%

You could humor me by trying out the different combinations of ingredients and seeing if you can guess which is my favorite burrito combination (*hint to those who don’t know of Chipotle* That I said “burrito” means the one large tortilla, not the tiny ones used for tacos).

…yeah, I’ll keep the links to humor you guys…just like I was humored by the 1410 calories of my favorite burrito. Not that I’m really surprised… More than my diet allowance…guess I can just eat this for the day, in (not-so-)little 1/3rd portions.

３級

I’m about to send in the application forms in order to take the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) for ３級 *san-kyu*, or third level, in December.  For those who don’t know about the test, there are four levels, with four being the easiest, and one being the most difficult.  I think I should be able to pass the ３級 so long as I can review, review, review!  I also need to brush up on my kanji (“know” about 300, what’s needed for this level).  I’m sure there will be a lot of vocab, verbs, and phrases I don’t know since everyone learns a slightly different bit of the Japanese language during study, but hopefully the acquisition will be swift.

I know that if I apply myself, I can easliy pass the test!  Go me!

…

But I keep falling asleep everytime I study at work…  Oh, what to do…

Well, I guess all I can do…make New ALT sign up for ３級 also and have him study with me.  Motivation’s always stronger when I’m afraid of looking like an idiot for not studying (though he does already know more than me).  I will “gambarre!” and all that nonsense.

And look!  I added a new category to better place posts about my (non-existant) studying habits!  The site slowly expands…

Yakuza Amongst Us

I went with the new ALT yesterday to Kurume, the closest city to us, to hang out with one of my friends who lives there.  Nerdy as we are, ALT and I wanted to play the Gundam P.O.D. game again, and I had the five different locations in Kurume printed out for my friend (did I mention that she was Japanese?) to decipher and tell us where the closest location was.  She was all, “oh yeah, these two are closest, near You-me Town and T-Joy.  You don’t want to go to this location, though.”  “Oh?”, I said, “Is it really far away?”.  “No, the Yakuza boss from that area was killed in Fukuoka City yesterday.  Now it’s dangerous to go there.”  We’re all “whaaat?”.  “His funeral’s also being held today”, she said.  “So…so it’s a turf war??”, I asked.  “Yeah”, she said.

Goodness!

I still wonder if it was a turf war, or just retaliation from their leader’s death.  I’m sure the heirarchy would have had someone else ready to take his place.  Then again, when someone’s been weakened…steal their land!  …I don’t know, but still…Kurume?  I’d expect KitaKyuushuu…but Kurume???

#1 Letter Evar!

During the birthday party thrown for me by my 英会話 *english conversation* class, back in June, I told the one student who’s also in the middle school I teach at that I would make her a CD of the music I liked.

A few weeks ago, I finally made the darn thing…and it was three CDs long (broken down into “Modern”, “Classic”, and “Beat”). I left it at my desk before going on my Tokyo vacation, and by the time I declared my vacationing for the near foreseeable future to be over, the CD had been picked up.

I knew that the music she liked was a lot lighter than what I listened to, so I wasn’t sure what she would think of them.

I found out today as she came into the teachers’ room with her friends and, what’s this, a letter! She and her friends waited for me to open the letter and be amazed at the page full of English before leaving again. One teacher was all, 「すごい！」 *wow!*, at seeing the English, while another teacher said to them as they were leaving, “give please? give please?” (meaning, “I want one, too”). I was all, “here you go!” with the super English letter in my hand, and he was all, “hahhah! nooo”. He likes to speak to me in his limited English when he can, but we both know that her letter was probably too…err…advanced for his level.

Anyways, here’s the letter in all of its glory:

Dear Charity

Hello (*tiny drawing of waving hand*) Thank you for your many cds!! I’m very very glad! because I like foreign songs! I’m listening to their music(s?) every day. And they are wonderful! They’re going to my treasure. By the way, how did you spend your summer vacation? Could you have a good time? Could you tell me about your summer vacation? I was studying to take an examination (受験勉強）and a lot of my homework.

Thank you very much! （本当にCDをありがとうございます）

From lucky (*name that Charity isn’t going to write down*)

Wasn’t that just the coolest??

I guess that means that she liked the music :)

Don’t Ignore the Water Sounds!

So, sitting at my desk at work, I hear this sound of running water.  Looking around, I’m thinking to myself, “what’s doing that?”.  I finally look up, and determine that the noise is coming from one of the giant ceiling air conditioners located just to the right of me.  The noise stops, and I, in my infinite apathy, go, “eh”.  One minute passes.  Next thing I know, water is pouring down in a steady stream onto the floor, and I’m all, “!!!” and looking at the neighboring teacher who’s also right next to the pouring water (there’s a space between our desks because we’re in different grade groups…if that makes sense).  I get his attention (he’s not even two feet from the spilling water, how didn’t he notice?) through noises and arm flapping, and he’s all, “ahhh!!” and runs and gets a trashcan while getting the vice principle’s attention.  As he’s moving his computer, he says, “oh my god!” *in English*, as he laughs.

Good thing that one air conditioner wasn’t over a desk!  …unlike all the rest of them.

Ooh, I just heard the running water sound again.

The two teachers on the other side of the divide are all going, “well then, time to leave!” as they are looking up almost directly below the air conditioner.  I love these teachers during the summer.  They crack me up.

The Food Was Free and Tasty Except the…Milk Jelly?

There was just a free meal for the teachers, cooked by the home ec. club.  And I love free food (‘specially since I have but coins until payday tomorrow).  So I’m all, “wee!  ‘yes please’ to the free food!”.

The food involved a delicious shrimp dumpling-ish soup, pizza made up of whatever they could think of (curry, green peppers, onions, hotdogs, eggplant, gratin cheesy potatoes, random white root plant *not daikon*, tomatoes), a tasty crepe, about four small sips of barley tea (seriously though…a bit more beverage please! I’m a drink-chuggin’ American), and a bowl of fruit.

After eating the last dish, I felt all weird, like my body was going, “so this is fruit, huh?”.  Yeah, not a big fruit eater.  I really don’t eat fruit.  Ever.  Not that I don’t like it, but…  I just, you know…never get around to eating what I have.  And it involves cutting, and my hands get all messy…

Anyways, there was also that stuff mixed in with the fruit that is a jelly (the Japanese term, so don’t think of “jelly” as in the speadable type…but more like jello, or jello jigglers) made from milk.  When they asked how I liked it, I told them that it was “interesting”.  What else can milk jello be on your first tasting experience?  Perhaps I will grow to love it, just as I have come to love Japan’s whole milk (SARCASM!).

Moving on in life.

Perhaps I should eat more fruit though…

Today’s Garigari Lunch

I can’t believe this was my lunch today…

The basil pizza flavor…tubey fried potato…things were like Funyuns, minus the Fun…or the onion (sorry, I mean “Yun”).  The flavoring would have tasted good on Doritos, though.  A real shame.

I guess we can’t forget about the bag’s random English phrase (found right below the yellow banner).

They are the potato snack of the thick taste for a grown-up male.

Well!  I guess that explains why I didn’t like them.  The thick taste of horror does not appeal to a woman’s delicate palate.

The Garigari-Kun soda-flavored popsicle was, however, just wonderful.  Because of the heat, this one was the second I had invited to share my lunch hour with this week.

Kristen eats them like they’re going out of fashion.

The unique-ish thing about Garigari-kun that sets it apart is that, while the outside is generic popsicle ice, the inside is grainier, crunchier ice. Thus would explain the “garigari” onomatopoeia …the sound for crunchy hard (like ice, carrots, and bones), not to be mistaken as “karikari”, which is dry dry crunchy (like toast), or “paripari”, a crisp crunchy ( like crisp nori or crackers).

Did I ever tell you that Japanese “sounds” drive me absolutely nuts?  They have a “sound” for everything…everything!!!

I think it’s funny that the two flavors of Garigari-kun that were at the combini were “soda” and “cola”, which translates to “ramune” and “coke”, respectively.  I wonder if the next new flavor will be “pop”. Hah! …that would be funny.

My Pimp DS

To those of you who live in Japan, you know that this week was the O-Bon holiday, and thusly everyone has been spending time with family…AKA not at work.  So, what do us poor ALT shmucks do who have to endure vacant schools with a whole teacher or two to keep the entire building open do to kill the time?

Well, as I was leaving today, I saw my pack of panda takoyaki stickers I had bought a while ago (anyone who knows me knows that takoyaki is my favorite food here), and started having sinister sticker…ah…sticking ideas.  They came to work with me.

And good thing, because I ended up getting really carried away just super tacking up my DS.  Really killed some time doing that.  I was all super elaborate with placement, all sticking each one on a toothpick and moving them around that way to determine position before laying them down.

Either way, it now looks like a panda takoyaki cute bomb went off on my DS.

Right, here are the pics:

Oh yeah.  So awesome!